understanding what I am and who I am—tools to better living with parents.
Last week we looked at understanding parents. Stephen covey once said "seek to understand than to be understood" and I think that it is the base of every successful relationship. Try to understand people more than you want them to understand you.
Another viable point...
is trying to understand yourself.
Who am I? What do I like? Why do I like them? What am I? Who do I respect? What do they do that gets me angry? What do they do that makes me happy? (take a note and answer all these questions).
These are but a few questions that would help you uncover the mystery called "myself".
If you are really going to engage your parents constructively, you would have to understand who you are.
I would advice we read this book by Tim Lahaye: why you act the way you do.
It would teach you about a system of classifying human personality called "temperaments". Temperaments according to Tim influence people's actions. Understanding your temperament is vital. You would understand why you get angry easily and why you are very tolerant etc.
According to Tim, there are four temperaments: Choleric and sanguine are extrovertish temperaments, while melancholy and phlegmatic are introvertish temperaments.
The choleric is the bossy, ambitious, angry, heady, unemotional type . They demand what they want and must get it whether they hurt you or not. Natural leaders they are.
The sanguine is the fun loving, short circuited (short lived anger), people pleasing, emotionaly unstable (unlike the choleric), people conscious, heady type. They are excessively extroverted and they are very social.
The melancholy is the smart, articulate, gloomy, faithful, tolerant type. They like details and love being moody. They enjoy solitude and are critical thinkers. Hardly make friends but if they do, they stay faithful.
Phlegmatic is the articulate, neat, extreme introvert, illy motivated type. They look like they lack energy and would always need motivation. They do what is in their mind most of the time but agree to your terms to avoid trouble with you at the moment. They rarely get offended. They are very selfish and hate to share. They are not as social the sanguine.
For more details get the book.
Understanding your weaknesses and strength would better equip you in your relationship with your parents.
P.S: don't use temperaments as an excuse to mess things up, use them as a way to better and improve your relationships. Work on your weaknesses and explore your strengths.
Next up: why not me? Why don't they understand me too?
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