KANENE'S DIARY

Dear Diary,

Sunday Service was a bore, I don't know but I always feel unworthy to be in such a sacred place hence my thoughts always wanders. I must go whether I like it or not. Anyway at a point during service, It felt like I was trapped in a small room,
emotions started choking me, I needed air.. The entire Charade was getting on my nerves, the fact that I was sharing the same space in the Church, even breathing the same air in the house of God was annoying. To crown it all, my father was allowed on the altar to read a bible verse, that grated on my last nerve, so I stood, about to leave, one of those annoying church wardens tried to stop me, the way I eyed him ehnn.., I went through the other side, the other warden held my arm in an attempt to stop me, I winced, my father as usual had not failed to deal with me. I was broken and Sore, she looked into my eyes and I can't decipher what she saw but she let me go, only to find out that she was right behind me. In a genuine gentle tone she just asked if I was alright, I was already at the brink so I broke down in tears. She performed one of those motherly antics and with so much pain I opened up to her, of course I didn't tell her that part of my father using sharp objects in torturing me, I left it at the sexual abuse part. She was shaking, she Cried for minutes then asked me to wait a while after service. I did and she took me to meet the Parish Priest, she asked me to relate my story to him. I was hesitant, I know what happened the last time someone tried to help, my dad wasn't someone to be crossed. I wondered what people will say, everyone would know my shame, if they take him away I'll be sent to a worse place, just then I vividly recalled all the excruciatingly painful years of my life, I summoned courage and was about to start admist tears when I heard my father's voice saying "Kanene, darling, let us go home". He greeted the Reverend and took me by my hand and excused himself, I just know I'm going to get it worse tonight, the Reverend however asked to see us within the week, but dear Diary I may have to go now because it's almost time. I'm at the brink, I'm slowly losing my mind, I'm beginning to find pleasure in cutting myself, I'm about to explode, my sanity is hanging by a thread, things may soon get ugly. I don't believe the Reverend can do anything about this. I'm trying to be hopeful.. I don't want another person to suffer for my cause...
Goodnight  dear Diary.