KANENE'S DIARY

Dear Diary,

I remember just like yesterday when i thought I was most probably a monster,incapable of love or even worthy of it. I usually gave the excuse that I was broken and damaged from birth(not so many people can go through what i have and come out sane and whole).

I never had the honour of meeting the first person that ever showed me love. I lived with the guilt that my first act in this world was that I killed my mom.
She had a serious case of Eclampsia and was advised to have an operation(CS) that will result in my death and save her life or go ahead and go through the normal way and possibly lose her life. She opted to do the later.She died and gave me a shot at life.

My bereaved father,who was so attached and madly in love with my mom took me home but never showed me love. He of course blamed me for the untimely death of his soul mate . He was a very busy business man but i wonder how he found time to always go out at drink to stupor.He avoided coming home to meet the ''living curse''. He had employed a nanny and she was the devil. She enjoyed tormenting me and starving me. When she was bored ,she lit a candle and allowed the hot wax to fall on my skin whilst I yelped in pain. No one could hear me,no one ever came to help me. Whenever my father was not home,she beat me up and even put off her cigarettes on my skin. I recall vividly ,when I was about eight years old,my father's attitude changed. He became nice and started treating me with gifts,candy,and toys. I looked forward to those nights when he would carry me on his laps and gently run his hands all over my body while I enjoyed the delectable confectionaries. He sent Madam Margaret away and promised me that he won't ever let anyone hurt me.I wish I had known he had meant anyone but him. I lived a lie for three more years. Dad would give me piggy back rides ,cook and sometimes order food from exotic Restaurants.He was the center of my universe,I loved him more than myself.If only I knew,If only I knew the monster that lurked beneath the charade.
Oh Kanene,you should have known better...